You tell me secrets I actually keep

I happen to have the best friends in the whole world. Today I met up with Nino, who bought me the most amazingly ridiculous heartshaped sunglasses. Then Seba gave me all his cigarettes + my favorite Subway. Who needs money when you have homies like these? Xo

c'est ma vie

Me and my favoritefriend spent our day running around in the rain, yelling "fuck you" in matching outfits. Sometimes I think we have a little more than one screw loose in our heads.


it's quite scary, this recent feeling i've been having. 

it's a sort of numbness, nothing really feels real anymore.

i'm usually not the person who gives in. i overanalyze, underanalyze and analyze again. i make my decesions carefully, at least the big ones.

i used to care. about life, about happiness.

right now i don't think i spend one second of the day, actually thinking. i'm in a constant rush, somewhere, away from someone.

if someone feels bad for me and wanna hand me 30 000 euros, contact me asap and i'll consider to accept your donation!!!

stirra verkligheten i vitögat

I feel like life is slipping away. People are slipping away. I need to face facts and stop dreaming, stop floating around. How many times have I told myself that by now? What feels so okay in it's very second can be everything but okay. This is not a movie, this is real. I am real. You are real. It's such a waste to fake it. I'm still in the middle at this point, right in the middle. I have the keys back and my hands on the next doorknob. What shall I do? What would you do? You people that talk so much and think so little. I hate you. No, I love you. You make me see the contrasts. You make me feel good about myself, almost. Yet you're the ones that judge the most. Sometimes I think it's easier for you, to breathe, to be. I know I'm probably wrong though. It's all about relativity. Gradations. I'm not your dog. Don't expect me to catch your sticks.

Philosophy check!

Today I had my entrance exam for philosophy. I didn't read Nietzsche or Aristoteles or any of those big books you should read before but I feel like it went pretty well. Let's see what happens. Now I can't wait for June anymore. I can't wait to move back into my old appartment and throw around all my stuff again! I feel like half of my life is down there in the basement right now. Sucks asssssssss.

lollipops and cotton candy

Have you guys ever wondered if personality is just a fabrication? Another lame evidence of the human need of continuity? We make up patterns that aren't there, just to make reality seem a tiny bit more logical. What if we're really just products of millions of different faces, actions and memories? Lately I've been feeling like I might not really know anyone. Not even the people closest to me. Is it possible that the whole concept of "knowing" someone is illusory? That we never do? But we trick our brains to think so and we form ourselves after other people's mental "pictures" of us, so we feel like our existence is important? Like it has a meaning?

Don't you just hate it when people come home after 5 months of worldtravelling or a year in Hawaii and claim that they just "discovered themselves"? Like there's some kind of secret treasure in your way of being, some kind of holy Grail that's gonna make you see the world in a different light. Bullshit, I say, most of the times.

Sometimes I feel like I'm spinning around in one of those amusement park carrouselles. I'm sick and I wanna cry or scream, but I can't get myself to stop. I waste ridiculous amounts of time and money and I don't get wiser in any way, but I like it there. The laughter. The illusion of happy people. The speed. The rush. It's a pleasent pain.

spring is the new winter

photo by Johanna Ljungqvist

Jag slickar på kaffekoppar, strimlar sönder pappersservetter och iakttar nystrukna älskare på vift. Hand i hand vid cafédisken, rökrummet, gatuhörnet, framsidan på facebook. Jag tittar på utan sviktande fascination. Jag vill ligga med dem alla, svepas in i deras sockersöta symbios. Jag är en parasit, jag somnar bara på andras soffor.

Tuesday eargasm

Kiss every man while you still can, like a lady. I'm gonna take a hot shower, drug myself with too much burana and pack my stuff. My amazing friend Seba is helping me to move my bags to Nelly's. Fucking Jesus, I feel like I have cancer. Did someone give me HIV injections while I was drunk this weekend?

PDA - We just don't care (should we?)

So once again this post is very out of the blue ocean but me and Ellen started discussing PDA and something about the subject really made me question my standards. Is it okay to be those spit-exchanging lovebirds on the bus? And if it is, where do we draw the line? Kisses on the cheek? Making out? When someone's hand suddenly turns out in the other person's pants? The big dilemma is, who are we trying to respect here? Who are the people on the other side of the seats?

In my last relationship I never really gave a fuck. I thought of the people complaining about being loveydovey on the street, mainly as old, cranky, bitter women with a strictly conservative worldview. Come on Grams, welcome to 2012! I saw the new ways of openness as an improvement, a babystep closer to the utopistic vision of freedom that youth today is so amazingly obsessed with. What I never really thought about was how many different sort of categories there actually were. What about the lonley people? The unhappily in love ones? The fact that cranky Grams on the bus could actually be a newly-become widow?

On the other hand, if you're supposed to respect everyone walking past you, then you sure have a big project in front of you. Is wearing brandclothes a way of dishonoring the people that can't afford them? Should you not be allowed to express your happiness at official places since some people aren't happy? These questions are pretty ridiculous, they could go on forever and we all know they hardly lead us anywhere. Still, I feel like this can be something worth reflecting over. Do we really need to dryhump in the L train or can we wait 25 more minutes until we're at his pad in Espoon keskus, Grani or Kirkkonummi?

Of course, it's always a question about timing. Some situations are easier to avoid than others. And let's be quite straight here, sometimes we really don't give a fuck about the ethics and morals of whatever we're up to. Some times are just not about Grams.


Happy mothersday to all the moms who looove my blog!! Im out for a gossipy walk with Smellz


Last night I got rescued by this female soldier! Believe me, she is more of a superhero than any man Ive ever met. Peace sister Xxx

Stressy messy life

When people talk about what kind of animals they would be, they always say cats (usually desperate females trying to come up with a witty answer - whats really hot about a cat?), dogs (because we think they have an easy life filled with love, food and the simple sort of happiness that humans tend not to see), or birds (for the independence and freedom the ability to fly makes us relate to). I think Id like to be a Cockroach. I could live wherever the fuck I would want to, I would not get weird looks thrown around for actually loving a messy place, no one would complain about me only being able to stay up at nights and best of all - I'd not have to deal with people, because no one would really wanna hang out with me anyways. I would be happily pleased and unaware.

7 days

Some unreleased 20 shit from Syrjäläs computer!! Tonight I'm having dinner with my boyfriend's dad (means I need to find something not-slutty to wear......)

unintended blogstruggle

I'm not gonna be able to amuse you guys with my amazing wordskillz as actively as lately, due to my momentarily fucked up livingsituation. Stay tuned though, I didn't die or anything.

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